Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Being me (criticism and taking it perfectly, lol)


   During a heated discussion with my husband last night he told me I was unable to take criticism and accept when I was wrong. Not the best way to win said heated discussion, but after our discussion calmed and changed to a resolution those words sunk in and I thought about what he had said.

     Today actually was when I had a chance to really think about it. He wasn't trying to be mean or hurtful he was being honest and although I hated it, he was right (don't let it go to your head Bert). I realized that, well, not many people take criticism well and that it is a rare and difficult thing to accept when you are wrong. It is also very easy be the critic but not the recipient so be careful when you are said critic. It takes practice and honestly a real high level of confidence to do either.

      I realized also that I don't have that level of confidence and fight tooth and nail to justify all my actions and thoughts whether they are right, wrong or even indifferent simply because I want to be validated. I feel guilty when I mess up and fight even harder to justify it because of said guilt. I don't always feel confident in my choices and my worth in this life and I project that to others in ways I don't always realize hurts them. For this I am truly sorry and hope to change it even if to stop hurting myself by this behavior.  Please understand I am not sharing this to get a poor baby out of it, I just wanted to share this to help others who are feeling this way to. I am not looking for sympathy, just understanding ( validation thing again,ugh). Anyway.....

      It is hard to step outside of your own head and look back in, but I am trying and hoping to find the confidence that I deserve in myself.  I see it in others all the time, a friend who belittles her shape, talent or worth and it is easy to point out that they are wonderful but how to get them (and yourself) to see it and believe it is the trick. I am planning to try harder to love myself and let the stupid shit just roll off and learn from my mistakes, and accept them as such. I also want to get better at taking criticism, for how can one grow if not by taking the criticism.

     Trust me there is a never ending supply of critics and some are so  not worth your time to listen to, but others are and that is where you need to be confident in yourself. If you are, than you can either to throw them away as garbage or take them as knowledge for growth.

     May you love yourself as much as others do and learn to grow with grace, and if not give them hell instead, lol.

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